Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Job of a Geek Boyfriend: Traumatize Your Geek Girlfriend



Last weekend, I had an amazing time: friends from high school whom I haven't seen in years came to visit me and we spent the weekend out and about. Unfortunately, it caused my allergies to violently attack. I'm pretty wiped after trying to ride it all week.

So I asked Boyfriend if, this weekend, we could be a bit lazy and stay in, order delivery, and play videogames. He was down. Cute and supportive? Totally. But you should never underestimate a geeky boyfriend. They like to mess with your head. And we geeky girlfriends secretly love it because we love to be challenged. But shhh. Don't tell them that.

Today, Boyfriend's attack was on Santa. It started off when Boyfriend said that Narnia was a bit creepy.

me: Yeah but there's unlimited Turkish Delight and Santa all year round so it's a fair compromise.
Boyfriend: Meh, Santa's the 99% anyway.
me: Yeah but he's the North Pole's Warren Buffett- he's giving most of his crap away.
Boyfriend: It's a toy Ponzi scheme.
me: Oh, this should be good.
Boyfriend : No toys unless you're good. Good is a relative term. So one kid is good; the other kid must be "good-er" in order to get as much toys. And so forth until good outweighs toys. Ponzi scheme.
me: I'd say you ruined my childhood but you kind of enhanced it. Now I respect Santa. Before he was just an idiot giving stuffs away to spoiled brats.
Boyfriend: Yeah, now you know he's a manipulative jerk. And probably Italian.
me: *le gasp* HOW'S HE ITALIAN?
Boyfriend: "Ponzi." Why not Italian?
me: Cuz he's from the North Pole? Cuz that's not where Italy is?
Boyfriend: No one is BORN at the North Pole. People commute.
me: SANTA IS.
Boyfriend: GLOBAL WARMING.
me: OTHER SHOUTY THINGS.

As you can tell from this very scientific case study, the only way to win when a Geek Boyfriend is talking nonsense is to talk more nonsensy nonsense. Then it's just a game of who's brain melts first.